Jan. 31, 2011
Did Pia's classic happen, was I there, people told me I was. I guess I do vaguely recall putting on my skis to do something and I do for some reason have some of that post race body ache going on. I will trust those that say i was there because all the signs point to that. I experienced the epidemy of not having ones head in the game. I was never there. I started and crossed the finish line, but in between those lines is 1:17:11 seconds of a blankness consciously. Where was I?
Reality really bites sometimes and that can be the understatement of the century for some. Questioning whether or not you filed for the PFD when it comes around to October and finding out that you had forgotten due to a busy life is one possible example. I have to admit that I have luckily avoided many great mishaps, but im still young and will most likely run into things of that nature that will make me furious and kick myself over and over again. Hopefully I will be on top of things enough that i'm older and wise enough to deal with things in an educated and mature manner. I'm not there yet. I'm still young and have so many of life's misfortunes slapping me in the face seeing if I will come back for more. Whether it be financial, social, or relationship issues, there are many new things that a young person will face and not quite know how to handle it. I still over-think many issues and try to find the best solution. Most of the time things work out in your favor and sometimes they don't. You learn from both and you adapt.
Life can keep you guessing all the time. I live on a fine line between being homeless and qualifying for major world competitions in skiing. Its a pretty drastic line, but there are many out there that understand. At this point in my career as an athlete, I question all the things around me and how they affect my skiing, and how my skiing affects them. Its hard to convince myself sometimes that this is still the lifestyle I really enjoy. My yearning to be "normal" can sometimes overwhelm me. This affect me from time to time. "Stress" I do believe is what they call this. My life is surrounded by it, some of it caused by my own doings, some of it simply life acting naturally.
Pia's was one of those rare times when my mind is so intensely lost and confused with an issue that I hardly remember being there at all. Its strange to think that something could occupy ones mind so much to eliminate a conscious event almost altogether. This was nothing like Mt. Marathon a couple years ago where there is still a shuttering black hole in my memory, because I can still vaguely remember myself skiing fairly hard. Like Mt. Marathon though, I think you can train your brain in ways that it can function without you actually being there to control it. Weird.
In the end I finished third, but I wasn't there. I was dealing with an issue I could have taken care of a long time ago and am now finding it to be more difficult than I ever imagined it would. Pretty dramatic huh? Thats life though. It can sometimes throw some punches that you will take straight in the face and feel. My "well duh" advice to anybody out there, especially to those that still have many years in front of them, is to deal with the issues as they come at you. Don't put them aside and hope to sort them out later. It sounds like pretty "well duh" advice and its meant to be, but you would be surprised how many people including myself so this and take the hypothetical stiff jab to the face. This isn't the first time I've had something break me down, so obviously I didn't learn the times before. Some words can't be said often enough. On the brighter side of it, you learn valuable lessons with each new "punch in the face".
This post has become way to philosophical and as I read through it for errors, I can almost visualize my mother telling me these exact words in a lecture form. I have to say that I prefer the longer drawn out explanations to the age old "If you fall off the horse, get back up", "A winner never quits", or as Rocky Balboa put it " Its not about how many hits you take, its how many hits you can take and still keep fighting back". I like the Rocky quote, but i still lump it into the lame inspirational quotes category. Perhaps i will leave you all with a lame inspirational quote of my own. "LIFE.... its tough......but its far from death... cheer up!"
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